


Save Me

by TT40_Angst_Queen



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood, Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 22:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TT40_Angst_Queen/pseuds/TT40_Angst_Queen
Summary: “Come with me, let me help you.” He looked so sincere, and something in Ryan broke, and even though he didn't know this stranger from Sunday, he took the hand.“Ok.”





	Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and Kudos Please!

Ryan stood on the edge of the deserted old bridge in the middle of nowhere, Cardiff. He had discovered his feelings for Colin on this bridge, feelings that he knew would never be returned. That was over twenty years ago now, way back in 1989. He had looked into Colin's warm, hazel eyes, and it felt like he was falling, and when those eyes locked onto his, he felt like the Earth stood still, and he fell into a warm, tantalizing ocean of warmth and safety. He smelt the cheap Cologne that Colin used, the only brand he could afford, and realized that he could smell that, and everything felt like it would be ok, that he was safe, secure, and loved. His thoughts had scared him at the time, and he had run off without any explanation much to Colin's confusion. He never was able to give one, despite Improv being how he made a living, and Colin never asked, seeming to sense that Ryan didn't want him to. Ryan knew his friend was straight, and Colin, hell, the whole world knew he was gay, since he came out after the first season of  _ WL US _ . But he knew his friend was straight, and he knew his feeling would never be returned. He struggled through the years after his discovery, and by the last couple years of filming he was beginning to break. What most thought, and what he told everyone, was improv burnout, was in fact, himself being crushed under the weight or unrequited love and hiding his true feelings from his best friend.  _ Improvaganza _ was hard, those few times that Colin showed, and he tried, he really did, to keep up his mask, but his brain had stuttered at multiple points, and he found himself stumbling and using old jokes he had made many times before, some only a few days apart. Some a few hours. He was ashamed. When Colin had left, Ryan had been able to gather up the pieces of his poor broken heart, and half-heartedly stitch them together, fragile and ready to break at the slightest breeze. 

 

The phonecall that they were resuming  _ Whose Line _ and that he was expected to be there with Colin, was the last straw. He couldn't face this. Not again, his heart couldn't handle it. That was proven by the fact that he stood only inches away from a cold, murky death, his large feet dangling over the edge of the bridge. He was surprised he didn't do this sooner, and waited till he was in his fifties. 

Would it hurt? Would it be quick? He heard downing was like falling asleep, after the first few minutes of struggling. But he heard you could also be killed instantly by the impact. At his age, that was more likely. A flash of pain, and it would be over. He had left notes, directions on where to find his body. He had left a note in Colin's mailbox, stopping on his journey to the UK at his friend's house, and leaving it there. He hoped it gave him peace of mind. He had explained that it wasn't Colin's fault, that he just couldn't live knowing that his friend would never return his feelings, and that he knew that it was hurting him that Ryan kept him at such a distance, and hoped that with him gone, they would both be free of their pain. He told him that he had left him everything he had, his houses, his money, even his cars. He didn't want them to go to some stranger at an auction. He told him to keep or sell whatever he wanted, but that he didn't want him to sell the Bellingham house. That was his first home, his first purchase that made it really set in that he had made it big, that he no longer suffered from poverty. He gave him the Upfront Theater too, told him he could teach if he wanted, or hire a new one. He told him he loved him, he always had, and that he knew, that in his own way, Colin loved him too, but only as a friend. He told him goodbye. 

 

Ryan let out a calming breath, and took a step towards his death.

 

“ _ Wait! _ ” Ryan halted, the British voice making him freeze. He slowly turned around, only to see a moderately tall man in a trenchcoat and blue suit, with red converse (he liked it, it reminded him of himself) staring at him with panicked eyes and arms outstretched, as if to catch him.

 

“You don't want to do this,” the man said, taking a small step forward, a look in his eye that showed that he had seen too much in his life. Those eyes looked old, far too old on the young face they were on.

 

Ryan laughed sadly, wetly. 

 

“I really do.” Ryan whispered, looking back down at the calm water. It was a lake, not a river, and a small one to boot. It was deep enough to die in, but not enough that his body would be too hard to find. He hoped they found him before his body looked like it did in those crime shows. He didn't want any of his friends, especially Colin, to see him like that.

 

“You really don't,” the strange man spoke again, taking a few more steps forward. Ryan frowned.

 

“And why would I not?” The man seemed to think about what he was saying, before speaking;

 

“Because there is so much more out there, so much to see,” the man had a sparkle in his eye now, and he spoke with a passion that rivaled Greg's when he spoke of politics. “I know that there is pain and suffering, strife and heartache. But there is also beauty and joy, victory and love. If you do this,” the man shook his head, staring earnestly into Ryan's eyes, trying to make him see. “If you do this, you will miss out on all of it.”

 

Ryan laughed bitterly. “I already have. I won't live when the thing I want the most is so far out of my reach,” Ryan sniffed. “It's killing us slowly, living with the pain. I'm just doing us a favor, and making it quicker.” 

 

The man looked deep into his eyes, searching. He seemed to find it.

 

“I'm The Doctor.” Ryan laughed.

 

“I'm Ryan Stiles. Doctor What?” the Doctor seemed to smile sadly at his question, and only replied;

 

“Just, the Doctor. That's my name, Doctor.” Ryan nodded.

 

“I guess we all have our own quirks. You come to take me away, Doctor?” Ryan asked, only half serious. 

 

The Doctor seemed to look at Ryan deeply, contemplating something. He came to a decision. 

 

“Yes, yes I am.” Ryan sighed, and stared again over the lake, looking at the moonlight reflecting on the still water like a murky mirror. 

“What if I don't want to come? Therapy won't help. These feelings won't go away.” Ryan shook his head. “It's killing us both to live this way.” The Doctor had taken enough steps forward at this point to be right in front of him. He held out a hand, and spoke to him in a calm tone, his eyes sparkling with unidentifiable emotion. 

 

“Come with me, let me help you.” He looked so sincere, and something in Ryan broke, and even though he didn't know this stranger from Sunday, he took the hand.

 

“Ok.”

* * *

 

“So where are we going.” Ryan spoke dully. He was empty, right now, his rough voice clear of all emotion. Feeling things hurt. He was tired of hurting.

 

“It's a surprise.” The Doctor said, and Ryan couldn't find himself to be concerned that a virtual stranger was taking him god knows where and could be a murderer for all he knew.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't expect this.

 

“A Police Box?” Ryan asked, his voice only mildly surprised. He should have known the guy was nuts. He did say his name was 'The Doctor’ after all. 

 

“Look inside,” the Doctor whispered, his face full of amusement. 

 

Ryan raised an eyebrow, wondering what this man was playing at. 

 

“Fine, but I'm going back to the bridge after.” Ryan smiled, the expression still empty. “You should think of getting yourself some help, too.” The Doctor only laughed, and gestured to the door., Telling him to open it.

 

Ryan did.

 

And his world changed.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't know how long he stayed with the Doctor, expiring the universe, exploring time. He had gotten enough exercise in that time that his body he had been neglecting was now in the best shape it had been in his life, his back was fixed in some hospital ran by cats, and Ryan learned that when meeting 51st century men, it was best to tell them you're not interested right off the bat. Ryan told him of Colin, his feelings and his fears. But Jack did have some insight, telling him of his own lost love, who he had pined over for years before it was too late, and he had lost him to death. Jack told him not to make the same mistake he did. They had spent that night together, and Ryan learned some things that he wouldn't have learned without it. It wasn't love, but is wasn't just fucking. It was mutual comfort, and Jack worshiped Ryan's body like he hadn't been in his life. Ryan had been uncomfortable at first, having looked old enough to be Jack's father, but Jack reminded him that Jack was in fact, several hundred years older than him. 

 

The three of them spent ages exploring, running and enjoying the wonders of time and the universe. 

 

But it had to end eventually.

 

Ryan realized this when he discovered himself looking older than he was when he met The Doctor when he looked in the mirror one morning, and he realized that it was time to go back. He couldn't run forever.

“I'm ready.” Ryan words caused the Doctor and Jack's heads to shoot up.

 

“Are you sure?” The Doctor's tone was sad, but understanding, and Ryan remembered that the Doctor had gone through this same moment many times. Ryan nodded, a small, but genuine smile on his face.

 

“I'm sure. It's time to go home.” Jack nodded, his face uncharacteristically serious and gentle.

 

“Time to tell him?” Ryan laughed softly, and his eyes roamed around the control room. The TARDIS had been his home for a long time now, and she was something he would never forget, just like he would never forget these two men that saved him from ending his life, instead showing him wonders he couldn't have imagined on his own. 

 

“Yeah. It's time to tell him.” The Doctor put in the time and place into the TARDIS, and she started up. They stayed silent while she traveled, sharing comfortable silence that Ryan only shared with Colin once upon a time, and hoped to share again.

 

When the TARDIS came to a shuddering halt, Ryan took a deep breath, looking at the two men that helped him through the darkest part of his life, and brought him into the light. 

 

“Thank you, for everything.” He said, his voice choked.

 

Jack and the Doctor gave him twin, understanding wobbly smiles, and nodded. 

 

“Of course. It was our pleasure, Ryan.” ryan nodded, and stepped toward the two men, and pulled them both into a huge hug. 

 

“I'll miss you both,” Ryan said, sniffing. The Doctor grinned at him. 

 

“Don't worry, we'll visit.” Ryan shook his head laughing sadly.

 

“No you won't, Doc.” The Doctor looked sideways, and didn't refute it. 

 

“Yeah.” Jack spoke, and nudged Ryan.

 

“You'll always remember though, right big guy?” Jack wiggled his eyebrows up and down, a leer on his face, and Ryan chuckled. 

 

“Yeah, I'll always remember, Jack.”  Ryan let them go, and stepped towards the door, but was stopped by the Doctor's voice. 

 

“If you're ever in danger, your phone has the TARDIS number in it. Just in case.” Ryan smiled, nodding.

 

“Thank you, Doctor,” the words had so much meaning. “And goodbye. Both of you.” They nodded, and Ryan stepped out the door.

 

He never did see them again.

* * *

 

 

A couple years later, as Ryan worked and made a fool of himself onstage, he remembered his journey with the strange alien with two hearts and the man from the future. He looked at the ring that adorned his hand, a matching one on Colin's. He had found them in his jacket pocket, the jacket a gift from one of the Beatles on one of his trips, hard to explain the John Lennon signature on the tag, but he managed. The rings were a last gift from the Doctor. A metal that Ryan discovered never dulled, never scratched, and never broke. 

 

Just like his love for Colin.

 

He returned to the bridge that night, after the Doctor left him, with a bigger on the inside duffle full of stuff from his travel and a determination to tell Colin. 

 

Colin had found him there, on the bridge, and they had collapsed onto each other, in tears. Feelings were admitted, and they realized they both thought the other didn't feel the same. Colin though Ryan had found out, and that explained his distance, he had thought he hated him. 

 

They had married a year later.

 

Now, as he listened to the laughter of the audience and the loud cheers as he was once again kissed on stage by Colin, he sent a silent thank you to The Doctor, and for a moment before he was distracted by the scene, he swore that a young man in a bow tie and suspenders winked at him, a familiar sparkle in his eyes.

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and Kudos Please!


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